Don’t be fooled by Hollywood’s claims of brotherly love; Achilles and Patroclus were definitely lovers. The only thing that remains unclear is whether their relationship was 100% egalitarian or pederastic. Since Patroclus was Achilles’ younger cousin, we’re going to go with pederastic. Oh yeah, right, they were also cousins—first cousins, to be exact—which would make their bond not just homosexual and pederastic, bu also incestuous. Seriously, who needs soap operas when you can read Homer and